[Update]: Things have improved somehow. I just don't want to talk about it right now because I still can't realize it happened, I need time to think of it and decide what to do next. BUT I feel much better already and want to thank all of you who supported me. Just being able to talk to somebody about it and share what's in my mind helped a lot. I really appreciate it and I'm happy there are people like you ^^
Firstly I'm going to say this is cry from the heart. I don't expect anyone to help me with pieces of advice, neither I believe it would help me. I just need to say this out.
No longer can I understand how some people overcome their depression. I used to be a positive person and always see good even in tough situations but it doesn't work for me now. I'm experiencig so much pain, hatred and offence and I can't let it go. Maybe I just needed to find something or someone to blame for my distress and I decided to blame my parents. After all, it was they who told me to do this and that, who made me, and who never listened to me when I wanted or needed to talk to somebody. It took so many years to see the truth. In recent times I heard so many words that hurt me so badly. And all of those words came from people whom I expected to support me, to understand or to try at least. I was told they don't take me seriously, don't take seriously what I love and want to do in the future, they never believed in me, never supported, never encouraged. I was told they were disappointed in me. So was I. And no matter how old I am now, I'm still their daughter, so it hurt a lot. I even considered leaving my house and moving to somewhere else, but I have no place to go. I'm trapped. I don't want to feel all of that, but I do and I can't help it. I can't let go of resentment. Right now I don't even think I can ever forgive them for what they told me, want to strike back, to hurt them in return. This is just not right and I need to change my attitude which doesn't seem possible now. The moment I think of this whole situation I start to drop tears, and it's killing me. Anyway, there's a solution. But the time that is needed to be taken to overcome it feels like eternity.